I've got two guitars, I’ve got a mandolin
I’ve got a double bass, I’ve got a violin
I’ve got an Irish drum, I play a whistle too
I’ve got a tambourine, I’ve got a didgeridoo

I’m a wonderful man as you can see
A perfect man wouldn’t you agree?

I’ve got a brilliant brain, I love to work
I had a successful career, And I drive a Merc
I can write a song, I can tell a good tale
I love a night out, And I can hold my ale

I’m a wonderful man .....

I can cook a good curry, I can grill a steak
I can make a pie, I can bake a cake
I’m a modern man, I’m a role model Dad
I’m really cool, I’m one of the lads

I’m a wonderful man .....

What will you be, my beautiful daughter, when you’re the same age as me?
Will you have a good life to look back on, be in debt or will you be free?

I wanna be awesome 24/7, I wanna be amazing, I wanna be WOW
I wanna have a body to die for, I wanna be gorgeous and I want it now

What will you do for your education, go to college and get a degree?
Or go straight from school into a career, and learn while you work just like me?

I wanna be awesome 24/7, I wanna be amazing, I wanna be WOW
I wanna have a body to die for, I wanna be gorgeous and I want it now

Will you meet a man to spend the rest of your life with, will he be committed to you?
Will you have lots of friends to meet and go out with, and will you have strong relationships too?

They’d better be awesome 24/7, they’d better be amazing, they’d better be WOW
They’d better have bodies to die for, they’d better be gorgeous and I want them now

Will you get married and settle down happily, have a nice house with a garden too?
And when the time comes will you have children, and bring them up to be like you?
They’re gonna be awesome 24/7, they’re gonna be amazing, they’re gonna be WOW
They’re gonna have bodies to die for, they’re gonna be gorgeous and I want them now

I really can’t see how you’ll get what you want as you sit there looking at me
Life isn’t easy and you’ll need to work hard, and you are still only three

You just wanna be awesome 24/7, you wanna be amazing, you wanna be WOW
You wanna have a body to die for, you wanna be gorgeous and you want it now

I wanna be awesome 24/7, I wanna be amazing, I wanna be WOW
I wanna have a body to die for, I wanna be gorgeous and I want it now

If you should walk down Pipewell Lane as night begins to fall
You may just see a young girl peeping o'er the wall
She's climbed the side of the crumbling home - the place that she was born
To get a view of the bishop's house and a life she'd never known.

By the Coningsby Hospital maybe you will see
Old soldiers in the courtyard there with red coats to the knee
And a young girl looking wondering what they'd done and where they’d been
The battles fought, the comrades lost, the horrors they had seen

If you’re in a London street and see the barrow boys
You may also see two Hereford girls playing with their toys
And watching how the fruit is sold and how a profit's made
So they can do the same themselves so their mother's rent is paid

When you stand in Drury Lane the King’s Theatre's there no more
But you may see a young actress by the Theatre Royal's stage door
About to start her new career - fame and notoriety
Where before she just sold oranges to her audience to be

Remember His Majesty’s mistress when she was so young
The favourite of Charles the second who gave to him 2 sons
And a grandson who would one day be the Bishop of Hereford
‘Let not poor Nellie starve’ were among the king's last words

If you're by St. Martin’s in the Fields maybe you’ll espy
The shadows of the thousands who gather there to say good bye
To their favourite of many years as she goes to her grave
An actress and a mistress - talented and brave

So if you walk by the Bishop’s wall as night is drawing in
Perhaps you’ll see the spirit of witty pretty Nell Gwynne
Returning to her birthplace of years before her fame
Coming back to Hereford - the girl from Pipewell Lane

Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do today?
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do today?

Will you overcome world hunger before you have your lunch?
Or bring peace to Palestine or solve the credit crunch?
The ears of the world are ready to hear anything you say
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do today?

What about what’s brewing between India and Pakistan?
And the conflict your country started in Iraq and Afghanistan?
And you’ve got problems in your own back yard out there in the USA
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do today?

What about all the gases you’re all pumping out each day
Isn’t is time for ‘do as I do’ instead of just ‘do as I say’?
Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, you've got an easy act to follow
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do tomorrow?

I know that you'll never hear the words of my song
But I hope that you keep safe as you try to bring right from wrong
Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, we’re waiting to hear you speak
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh Obama, what are you going to do next week?

So Good luck Barack Obama, there’s much that needs to be done
Good luck Barack Obama, maybe you’re the one
Good luck Barack Obama, maybe you’re the one

It’s time to say goodbye my friend
This stage in your life must come to an end
It’s time to change
It’s time you were gone
It’s time to be moving on

You can’t be wrong, you can’t be right
You can’t give in and you can’t fight
You’re duty’s done
And now it’s time to run
Time you were moving on

When you're needed you’re always there
But if you need anything they don’t care
You can carry on doing the things you do
Or
Or do
Or do what
Do what's best
Or do what’s best for you

Don’t just hope it gets better, if you just wait
You’ll lose your chance, it’ll be too late
So get on your way
Decide today
It’s time you were moving on

Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel bad
If you just sit around you'll get even more sad
There’s only rain
Where the sun once shone
It’s time to be moving on

When you're needed .....

Maybe they’ll try to persuade you to stay
Or maybe just tell you to get on your way
Make up your own mind
If they’ll be fair or unkind
But I think you should be moving on

When you're needed .....

The girl who won X-Factor five is top of the charts this Christmas time
But will she be remembered in the new year?
It’s the new phenomenon, the singer there at number one’s
been manufactured for the purpose - how peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

The financial system’s almost dead - it’s because we’ve been living on too much credit
And spending cash as if on trees it grew - yeah
But we’ve got a solution, just like the Yanks, we’re lending money to the banks
To lend us back so we can spend more - how peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

Well it’s Christmas Eve and by my life I’ve not got anything for the wife
I’ll have to pay a visit to the jeweller
To scramble with other men standing there with haunted looks as they stare
At tat she’ll probably never wear  - how peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

It’s Christmas Day and, peeping through, the daffodils come into view
I’m sure this never happened when it was cooler
We’ve got a different temperature range - it's all because of climate change
but there’s people still denying it - how peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

Another Strictly Dancing’s done, the tears have dried, the trophy’s won
And now they’ve closed the celebrity dancing school - yeah
No matter what the voters’ choice, the programme makers have the strongest voice
Why people waste their money on this is peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

I was in a bar just yesterday and overheard an old man say
His granddaughter's been sent to fight - what could be crueller?
I don’t really know what we’re fighting for, why were sending our people into war
And now were sending even more, how peculiar

How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar
How peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar, how peculiar

Schooldays, schooldays, back in Liverpool days
Working for my GCEs
Kind days, cruel days, acting the fool days
I loved days like these

Holidays, holidays, stay with Auntie Molly days
Staying in a boarding house in Rhyl
Jolly days, folly days, don’t forget the brolly days
Every day enjoying my fill

Workdays, workdays, no time to shirk days
Time to take responsibility
Don’t be a berk days,  save for a Merc days
These were good days for me

I loved days like these
Doing just what I please
In places I wanted to be
With people I wanted to see

Fridays, Fridays, steak and kidney pie days
Days for drinking beer
My days, Fridays, pigs might fly days
The weekend’s starting here

Saturdays, Saturdays, nothing seems to matter days
Days to do anything you like
Mad as a hatter days, eat and get fatter days
Days to ride a motorbike

Sundays, Sundays, time to have fun days
Days for sleeping in late
Go for a run days, games to be won days
Days to hang around with a mate

I loved .....

Cold days, cold days, now I’m getting old days
Not liking the life I lead
Hot days, hot days, not doing a lot days
Not getting what I need

Younger days, younger days, days for which I hunger days
Days when I was free
Older days, older days, days when I was bolder days
Days when I lived for me

Long days, long days, those days are gone days
Just got memories
Short days, short days, stuck with my thoughts days
I’m not so keen on these

I loved days like those
Taking just what life throws
Not dwelling too much on woes
I loved days like those

There’s a band in town tonight for a concert at the Legion
They’ve got songs from around the world and every British region
They’re not too crude, not too grand, not too wild, and not too bland
And one of these days I’d like to stand in front of the Ormandy Pub Band

They've gone for a pint to start it all and left me to set up the gear
Now they’re on their way to the hall as the start of the gig draws near
I’m nearly done and I’m covered in sweat, they'll soon be here and starting the set
It’s many years since we all met but I’m not good enough to be an Ormandy yet

There’s John on the drums belting out the beat
And Betty up front singing so sweet
Ben and Den on the duelling guitars
And Dave on bass - they’re the Ormandy stars

They’ve started off well, the crowd are loving it, the audience has filled the hall
The Ormandys are going strong, each one giving their all
Irish folk, American rock, songs to smooth and songs to shock
It’s time for Betty to change her frock, nearly time for the break so I’m watching the clock

I'm sitting here at the side of the stage when it comes right out of the blue
‘Come on Jeff it’s your birthday, time to have a song from you’
Here’s the list, pick one please, you’re free to sing any one of these
Now I’m shaking to my knees cos I’m about to sing for the Ormandys

There’s John on the drums .....

And now it’s over - the gig went well and the crowd  left happily
I've got all the gear packed and there’s no-one prouder than me
I took my chance - the moment seized I gave it my all and felt at ease
And now I couldn’t be more pleased cos they’ve asked me to join the Ormandys

There’s John on the drums .....
And standing there just as proud as can be
There’s Jeff at the front - he’s an Ormandy!

I’m thinking of you as the world slips by my window
I’m thinking of you as this train rolls along
I’m thinking of you as the day’s getting lighter
I’m thinking of you as I’m writing this song
I’m thinking of you as I’m writing this song

I’ve thought of you each day since we’ve been apart
When I’m waking and when I’m going to sleep
Some memories are never far from the surface
And others bubble up from the deep

I remember how we used to go to the mountains
And to the little towns on the plain
We would be out whatever the weather
Hot or cold, sunshine, snow or rain

I’m thinking of you as the miles are slipping by
I’m thinking of you as the morning moves to noon
I’m thinking of you as I doze with the sway of the train
I’m thinking of when I’ll be back with you soon
I’m thinking of when I’ll be back with you soon

Just one more mile and I’ll be at the station
The High Level Bridge is up ahead
My pal will be there to meet me and drive me home
He’ll be there when I arrive, that’s what he said

I wonder if you've changed since we’ve been apart
Or will you be the same as when I went away
Will we become one when I get astride you
Will you start the first time in your special way

Will we purr away as gently as you used to do
Me and my Harley together again today
Me and my Harley together again today

I’ve been to Lethbridge in the shadow of the Rockies high
I’ve been to Lethbridge beneath the big Alberta sky
I’ve been to Lethbridge - it’s a place I like to be
I’ve been to Lethbridge, with my family

This song was started the first time I came
To meet a man with my mother’s name
And now I’ve been here two times more
I can write the verses I was searching for

I’ve been to Lethbridge .....

The second time was magic as my mother came too
To be reunited with the brother she once knew
50 years had passed since the last time they’d met
And then there came the moment no-one there could forget

I’ve been to Lethbridge .....
                 
They talked and they talked and remembered back when
Brother and sister together again
Remembering their lives and those they used to know
Catching up on what happened since so long ago

I’ve been to Lethbridge .....

Then came the time to say good bye once more
Separated by thousands of miles just like before
More meetings were planned but they knew then
That they would never be together again

I’ve been to Lethbridge .....

Now another visit has come to an end
A time spent with family, a time spent with friends
The brother and sister are now sadly gone
Leaving their families to carry on

I’ve been to Lethbridge .....

All I want is a flat screen telly and an IPOD phone and a Wii
And maybe a brand new mountain bike waiting under the tree
A pile of download vouchers, and a must have DVD
And anything else you can think of - cos Christmas is for me
My Mum’s bought my presents, for me to give my friends a treat
And she got my Christmas cards and wrote them nice and neat
The house looks really festive for anyone to see
A place for me to enjoy myself - Christmas is for me

Christmas, Christmas, my favourite time of year
Christmas, Christmas, now it’s nearly here

I don’t like sprouts and I don’t like turnip though I love the turkey and the rest
But my Mum makes me eat it all or promise to do my best
I like mince pies and Christmas pudding and chocolates off the tree
All washed down with a bottle of wine - Christmas is for me

Well that’s it done, all the presents are opened and there’s paper all over the floor
I got lots and lots of things but I would have liked some more
I got a lot of vouchers so I’m off on a spending spree
That’s how I’ll spend my Boxing Day - Christmas is for me

Christmas, Christmas, my favourite time of year   
Christmas, Christmas, now it’s really here

Now it’s really over and the decorations are down
Shops are back to normal and we can move around in town
My Mum said I got too excited and next year it will be
Different cos I’ll be 60 then - but Christmas will still be for me

I’m getting older and I know that it shows
I’m going grey from my head to my toes
And I can’t see further than the end of my nose
That’s the way it goes

I remember when we were 23
But now you’re 60 just like me
We’re a lot more wrinkly than we used to be
And we know that everyone can see

That’s the way it goes
Life keeps treading on my toes
But it’s still got highs as well as lows
That’s the way it goes
              
Bills get fatter and income gets thinner
I’m more of a loser than a winner
And someone’s been and eaten my dinner
That’s the way it goes

Let me give you some good advice
If in doubt, try to be nice
Don’t rely on the throw of a dice
And never make the same mistake twice

That’s the way it goes .......

My brain’s as good as it used to be
But I’m not so sure of my memory
And there’s things going wrong with the rest of me
That’s the way it goes

Life has its ebbs and flows
You have to take everything that it throws
Don’t give up if you hit a wall
Try to make the best of it all

That’s the way it goes ......